Fountains in the Way

“Let me not lose the chance to prove, the fullness of enabling love”

I stared at the high notes that went along with these lyrics, thankful that I was an Alto 2 once again, and looked below to my part. My Choir Director was very excited about this trio of songs, but I thought most of them were a bit bland. But I dutifully learned the lyrics and the melodies, and also mouthed the notes I knew I wasn’t about to get right, so that I wouldn’t mess up the rest of the choir. 

Five years later, I was three or four years into a life motto from Isaiah 43:18-19;

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

This motto was “Making Rivers in the Desert.” It was my way of holding to faith that God would make rivers in a life that felt like a desert. A desert of brokenness, of mental health struggles, of anxiety, of PTSD. I still had faith, I had seen God work, but I called the words of my freshman choir to mind, and I looked up Amy Carmichael’s poetry. I was shocked to see other parts of the poem:

“Before I leave the desert land

For meadows of immortal flowers,

Lead me where streams at Thy command

Flow by the borders of the hours,

That when the thirsty come, I may

Show them the fountains in the way.

O Love of God, do this for me;

Maintain a constant victory.

Let me not lose the chance to prove

The fulness of enabling love

O Love of God, do this for me;

Maintain a constant victory.”

I was a bit stunned to realize that this verse was about making rivers in the desert. While I was crying out to God to make the pain stop. Make it all hurt less, take away the anxiety, the fear, the OCD, the ache of all the love I hadn’t been given in my life, here, was Amy Carmichael, asking God to show her the truths of all of His goodness, beauty, and and life before removing the desert from her life. I felt overcome with peace. Also I laughed, knowing that God had placed these words in my life 5 years before to show me He had been at work in this desert life I was living way before I claimed this promise in faith. I felt these words deeply, and realized I could stay in the desert indefinitely, if it meant I could show others His goodness and faithfulness.

So here I am five years later. Sitting in the fruition, and the still waiting. But I can attest that God has show me his streams, and fountains, and I am in awe of His goodness and faithfulness. I can sit here in peace that I didn’t even know how to understand, fathom, hope, or pray for. 

So much peace. 

Fountains in the Way is only in it’s early days. I will honestly state that this blog will morph and hopefully bloom into whatever God wants it to be. I want to be able to place hobbies, ideas, and lessons I have learned in my life here, to be used or not. To maybe lie unread, but to at least remind myself of. And I’m thankful to do it. 

If you don’t know me, my name is Jess. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling and practiced Counseling for a few years. Clearly, I am also a Christian. Right now, I am staying home with some babies, which in other countries would just be called maternity leave. But alas in mine, we call this being a stay at home mom, I don’t feel like I fully fit into a world of “stay at home” moms, and I’m definitely not a “Working mom.” Before kids, I had to have a plan, but the problem is, making a plan when you don’t know the reality of life that is coming just didn’t work for me. Best laid plans change, thankfully. 

I’m creating Fountains in the Way because I want to share the streams that God has made in the deserts and the flowers blooming out of the dust. This may be practical, emotional, therapeutic, or technical. However it comes out, I hope it to be more soul and person-care oriented than just content for content’s sake. 

Thanks for reading, and if I’ve caught your interest, I’d love for you to subscribe, so you can hear from me next time.

jess.